Settle/Settling, is a word that doesn’t exist in my vocabulary either professionally or personally. It’s most common meaning in American English is to be done and accept how things are & often used by people in power. Such as leaders, parents and others to convince someone to stop trying to move forward or to just accept things as they are, don’t try to change. I know it has other meanings as well, but in my line of work as well as in my personal life it is this definition that I just mentioned that is it’s common use.
When working with clients often they will feel frustrated when those whose opinions or support they trust state to them to “just settle.” It can be difficult to accept this as the answer(s) to situations in your life that you wish to change but you are getting neither guidance or understanding. It can feel like a glass ceiling and nobody is willing to hand you a hammer.
Over the years, I’ve had conversations with people who have stated, “at some point we all settle.” Do we?
That’s always the first thought that runs through my mind and often the question that frustrated clients will ask. I will then ask them, “is that what you want from life?” If the answer is no, then we proceed on how to best help them reach their definition of happiness and success and what those two words mean to them. Not what family, friends or society deem it to be but what is in their heart of hearts. If they are where they wish to be at this point in life, we can then proceed to other matters that they wish to discuss.
But the question that truly needs to be answered is “Don’t we all settle in the end?” I honestly don’t believe so. I do believe both professionally and personally that one of few things happen if we don’t settle.
1. Throughout life we reach plateaus where things are calm, almost resting moments. Which we all need in our journey through life.
2. When we finally reach the goals that we have set in life, we aren’t settling just reached that place of happiness and success.
3. Often when we reach our goals for those that don’t settle, they discover new goals that they wish to pursue. New avenues to continue moving forward. I’m not saying they abandon their point of happiness, just explore other avenues to continue growing.
So, where are you in your journey?